My pack leader and I
are at odds.
Our walking preferences
And he thinks he has the right
to take shorter walks in the dark and damp of winter.
No! He is just a human while I am a noble lurcher
and I love the dark and damp.
Hence we are at odds!
It is not whimsy
My olfactory sense loves the dark and damp,
Creatures come out in the dark
when they might hide in daylight.
And, when all is said and done
I am a finely honed hunter where pack leader is
a staggerer and not to be taken seriously
in the domain of the wild outside.
So it is incumbent upon me
to convert him.
A painless way to get my way
and to stop us being at odds
otherwise it could become unpleasant
for my human and I don’t want to upset him too much.
Treats upon treats! Pack member 4, formally known as Corin and Anna, his partner
who is suffering from a cruel Christmas flu have taken me to Parsley Hay. It used to be a railway station but is now just for cyclists and walkers. Sorry about the picture but pack leader has a mild steam fetish; loves the smell of smoke and the sounds. No surprise then that he has asthma.
Anyway, besides being subjected to the “can’t stop for a loo break” torture it was a very fine walk! People were nice as were the dogs until one got near to my lunch. He knows better now. Slightly queezy moment when I got stuck at the top of a steep drop; but deployed my four wheel drive and scrabbled to safety.
Home now. Eaten my tea and assumed the upside down position in front of the fire.
OK it was a great walk on some big rocks. I think they called it Black Rocks. It scared them when I got close to the edge but there is no need to worry – I have full time four leg drive so I am a lot safer than humans. And lets be honest number 1 was stumbling about like a stumbly thing.
But it was lovely to be somewhere interesting and it was sunny and fresh as well.
When it finished the four humans amused themselves in Scarthin Books, they love it but BUUUT they were there for ages and came out smelling of food – ratfinks! I was starving and my blood sugar plummeting but no Rio will be OK!
Final insult I needed a loo stop. I asked very politely in a low whimper but did they stop – not a chance. When we got home I had to shoot into the garden before my bladder exploded. Sweet relief!
Then things looked up; a nice big dinner and the fire on full. So here I am upside down on one of the settees with a pack member squeezed in at each end and I am even allowing them to stroke me as I drift off into my dreams of running and hunting. Bliss.
Pack leader read a book yesterday. All of it in one day! Very hard to believe I know. However I was snoozing on the new deck and packleader started to tell number 2 about it. And it was amazing, so much so I didn’t even doze off.
It really is about a dog’s purpose in its relationship to humans and has a really novel slant which I have promised not to yap about in case I spoil it for others.
The Ark, if you have been paying attention, is where I came from. There are lots of kind people but even more sad dogs and cats – all waiting to be rescued.
Well it was quite sad because the place is totally full – no room for even a single dog or cat. I don’t know exactly what happens to those that can’t get in but I think it isn’t good.
If you don’t live near Ashbourne or cannot have a pet please send some money. My pack says you can do it through the website – don’t forget please! The picture is Tigger. He is a lurcher like me and he is great BUT he has been in the Ark for nearly a year and he is depressed and very unhappy.
OK so I did play up a bit – but I was in pain. The light of day reveals a bit of a messed up foot.
Pack springs into action – much discussion – chats with reception – phone calls – only trivial walk to do the necessaries. Then load up and away BUT not before I notice the smell of bacon from a bag they bring with them. These humans are spoiled.
Straight in no waiting. Lady vet says things like anaesthetic, stay in, leave me there and stabs me in the neck – very nice. And yes you guessed it they leave me – never mind the tear filled eyes, the tail between my legs, the desperate ears and the expression of shear panic. OK the vet is nice to me but then it’s another jab and goodnight Vienna.
Well they did come back and get me but it didn’t stop me feeling very groggy and having a very sore foot. I can tell it will be days before I am fully restored to my reckless self.
And they bought me a pigs trotter as a treat – truly disgusting!
They’ve bought me a coat! Yes you heard me – A COAT!
Not just a coat but a padded Gortex thing with loops and straps and a bit that comes over my neck.
Heaven forfend I am a lurcher – a hunter, a creature of the woods not some precious delicate urbanite!
The big one forced me into it and then dragged me out. I could have been seen by my contemporaries.
OK it did feel nice and warm and it did feel OKish not to have the rain splattering on me BUT I couldn’t cock my leg.
So I sulked magnificently! Tail between my legs, ears down, walking to heel in a state of complete abeisence. It didn’t take long before I was freed; spraying liberally over the shrubbery and sprinting off into the undergrowth. No longer cold or bothered by the rain.
Well nobody warned me but all of a sudden I am dragged out in the dark twice a day!
It’s a good job I am seriously focused on the food they only give after exhausting me or I wouldn’t go.
But worse than that what about the wind and rain. Just don’t get me started.
Last night it was awful I just wanted to stay in the warm, have a nice dinner and watch TV with my pack.
Oh no, the big bearded one arrives in this huge coat and drags me out into the awful rain – I did shiver.
But it wasn’t long before we were in the woods and unlike him I can see in the dark and I was off like a shot – all those smells, all those creatures sheltering from the storm. I ran and ran from place to place.
When we got home I was wet and muddy and toasty warm. And I managed to get mud all over the place!
I don’t know how it works for you dogs out there but I am getting a little cheesed off with my pack.
They are irritatingly slow! Take any morning. Number 1 comes in and wakes me. A moment or two to get my bearings, and perhaps some affectionate stroking, and I am ready for anything.
Him – not so – kettle on, scratching, yawning, squeeezing tea bags, fridge – milk. Then takes two mugs upstairs, chats to comatose number 2, considers the weather, selects appropriate attire, dresses very slowly – bathroom – some very minor titivation. Then down the stairs. Ready? No chance.
Which coat – if any, which shoes or boots, lead, collar, poo bags, balls, flinger, unlock doors and then BLASTOFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
NO! Turns round to check whether he needs to take keys or not. You can imagine – by this time I am spitting feathers.
Then we’re out at long last. I could have done a mile and a fascinating selection of toilets by now.
Please help – how can I train them to get their fingers out?